Doves

Everyday, I will see a new face. I learn a new name. But of course, there will be some faces I will no longer see. Names I will stop calling. There are those whom you stop contacting once your environment changes. Others who will gradually just phase out and disappear. Some you won't even realise they were gone until well...

Death. As we get older, we experience more of it. We think we cope better as we get older but no, it never become easier. First within the family. Then amongst acquatainces and friends. I remember my first loss, someone whom I still think about from time to time. At the moments when I least expect it. A friend asked me about him the other day through whatsapp (technology these days) and I couldn't hold back my tears. I missed him, and just talking about him, I realised that I cried not primarily because of sadness, but because a wave of relief has swept through me. Noone in our family talks about him anymore. Sometimes I wonder if he no longer exists in their minds or if they try to push him to the back of their minds, surpressing the urge to.

When a friend leaves...someone as young as you, it changes your perspective of things. Of the world. Of yourself. Although he was just a colleague, I can never forget his existence easily. He was one of the first few people I made friends with at work, and he insisted on accompanying me for lunch on my first day, my first ever job. Everyone knows how it feels to feel helpless and vulnerable on  first day. Sure, people have their bad traits, but when I remember someone who's gone, I think about their acts or traits that make me smile. I think about how I want to be remembered, and I remember them the same way. That is all that's left for me to do for them.